I have found a winner for the dumbest caller ever...

A woman on the phone just told me, "​Oh my God, I'​m afraid to live in the next couple of centuries."​

Don'​t worry, lady... you won'​t.

Email I just received: "​I have forty (40) CD-R CDs - I copied information into the CDs but now I need the CDs for another project - I need to erase / reformat the cds please - Is there a way to erase or reformat a CD-R CD?"​

Haha! Sucks to be you, lady.

A user was trying to get into her Outlook but was unable to. I saw nothing wrong with her account, so I suggested that she log in to one of the applications we use which gets the authentication info from the same server, because it gives an error message and Outlook doesn'​t.
User: "​It didn'​t work."​

Me: "​What did the error message say?"​

User: "​There was no error message."​

Me: "​Are you logging in to the application I asked you to?"​

User: "​I'​m just trying to log into anything I can."​

DO WHAT I FUCKING ASKED YOU TO DO, ASSHOLE!!!

User: "​I can'​t send emails."​

Me: "​What is the error message you get when you try to send emails?"​

User: "​I don'​t get any error."​

Me: "​So how do you know you'​re unable to send emails?"​

User: "​Because it'​s not sending."​

Me: "​How do you know its not sending emails?"​

User: "​The error message says it can'​t send the emails."​

Seriously???

User: "​It says, enter your new password…​ what do I do?"​

What the fuck do you think you should do???

User: "​It says if you are not this user, please click here. but I am…​ what do I do?"​

um…​ don'​t click there?

We have different passwords to access different programs. This user called and, for some reason could not answer a simple question...
User: "​I can'​t log in"​

Me: "​What are you trying to log in to?"​

User: "​You see the thing is, my passwords used to all be the same, and now I can'​t log in."​

Me: "​What are you trying to log in to?"​

User: "​Well, this morning I changed one of my passwords and now I can'​t get in when I use that password."​

Me: "​What are you trying to log in to?"​

User: "​Well, I was able to log in before I went on break and now I can'​t using the same password that I was using before."​

Me: "​What are you trying to log in to?"​

This went on for a while, but I'​ll spare you the repetition.

A user just called to have me walk her through a password self-reset. I walked her through her security questions and then when she was asked for a new password she used the same one she had been using previously. Ignoring the fact that she clearly knew her password and didn'​t need to change it... She started to get really upset about having to think of a new password. Is it that hard to USE THE SAME PASSWORD YOU HAD BEFORE WITH A NUMBER AFTER IT???

Me: "​I need to get the computer name of your machine. I need you to click on your start button"​
User: "​Ok, I did"​

Me: "​Ok, now right click on my computer and then click '​properti​es'​"​...

This is usually the point where I hear a long pause because the user DOESN'​T KNOW THEIR RIGHT FROM THEIR LEFT!!!

Lady, how about instead of wasting my time and saying, "​wait, let me just try something"​ every time I ask you what the error message says, you TELL ME WHAT THE FUCKING ERROR MESSAGE SAYS???!!!???